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Dear Tami,

The level of detailed discernment applied to screening potential guests for The List makes me thankful and appreciative I passed as easily as I did. Thank you for not revealing more about the unfortunate things that happened during my interview. Given how closely you guard the location of the writing cave, I have no doubt my secret is safe with you.

It looks like you have plenty of volunteers to help you with the dinner party once you have finalized The List. Wait staff are covered as are dishwashers and bouncers, though there seems to be one important role not covered yet. I didn’t see anyone offering to be the D.J. Put me down for that one, would you? Knowing you, I’ll bet you’ve already installed the outdoor dance floor and disco ball. You’ll be needing someone to keep the tunes going. For that, I’m your guy.

Benedict Cumberbatch, Anna Karenina premiere

I’ve been busy this past week and so I must offer apologies for the brief letter. In the past several days, I had the privilege of attending two premieres: Stephen Hawking’s new documentary series, Stephen Hawking’s Grand Design, and the cinematic premiere of Anna Karenina. In case you haven’t listened to the preview of me narrating Stephen’s documentary yet, here is the brief video clip:

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So in case you haven’t been keeping track, it was six months ago that you slipped into the writing cave presumably to avoid distractions and finish your novel. And in those six months, I’ve been patiently waiting for you to emerge with a completed novel in hand so we can once again have an adventure.

And waiting.

And waiting some more.

Not that I’m passing judgment, mind you. I remember quite well how challenging it can be to get ideas formed into coherent sentences and paragraphs when I was King of the Kasbah last month.

Because you continue to decline my dialogue and character suggestions, I thought I would find a new way to assist you in finishing your novel by searching for a theme song for the writing cave. Brilliant idea, right? What? Writing caves don’t have a theme songs? Well, they should. If your presidential candidates can have one, then the writing cave can, too. Yours could be the first one that starts the trend.

Here’s my first suggestion. Yes, there’s some swearing in this one, but it really adds to the overall theme. Give it a listen:

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Besides touching on elitism issues, it’s a great song about something as important and mundane as the humble comma. Perfect for a writing cave, don’t you think?

Benedict Cumberbatch

Don’t worry if that song isn’t The One. I’ll continue my research for the ideal writing cave theme song and send you more suggestions in the coming weeks. I’ll also work on coming up with a proper D.J. name for myself for your dinner party. I’m open to suggestions but I’m also a bit skeptical of the things that will come out of your imaginative mind. You did send me weequashing after all.

Suggestively yours,

Ben

~*~

*Editor’s note: The views, ideas, and opinions expressed in the Letters from Benedict series are works of fiction and obviously did not come from the actor himself. This series is my way of expressing adoration for Mr. Cumberbatch and his work and is not intended to be taken as a true collaborative writing endeavor with him.

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